I am a Libra.
(Also known as "Scales")
My Horroscope starts like this:
" Libra (Scales)
Born September 23 - October 22
You have to be a real loser to be born a Libra. Libras are born with two left hands, both of which grow out of their ass. They are tone-deaf and generally have poor eyesight. The senses of self-esteem and humor are in embryotic states at best.
Libras never have any money, their love life is usually a non-starter and they have notoriously bad luck both at work and at home. Pictures of mediocrity, they are incapable of standing out, surprising, outperforming.

Genetically unable to make any decision, they begin to convulse and sweat profusely whenever faced with a choice more important than "paper or plastic?". This is why their whole life they let others decide for them.

While they love to present themselves as patrons of the arts, their knowledge in the area runs no further than they can throw a grand piano.

Libras often end up writing tear-jerking memoirs full of half-truths and embellishments.

" | Find yours)